The Space Time Adventures of Zap Warner in Space

Part Two: Panic at B.O.O.B! Meet Zikixsiks Axkrakzsak!!

"You're on THIN ICE, WARNER!!" was the shrill cry, almost like a cat being sodomized. The cry came from a small, 1,987,493rd floor corner office in the B.O.O.B building. Also from the office came a flying coffee mug that smashed against the wall, just barely dodged by a man in a blue one piece uniform. The man was nearly seven feet tall, but was almost dwarfed by everything in the office, even the coffee mug that had flown by him was as big as his head. The horrible voice, like children screaming into a cavern, came again "I've got your ass on probation, PROBATION!! Its DAMN close to a GROG DAMNED SUSPENSION, WARNER" The ghastly shouting came from a creature that loomed at just over seven feet in height, perhaps eight or nine feet in width, and was wearing a rather tasteful three piece suit with a shiny blue badge on the lapel. There were varied sized extra sleeves on the back, of course, for the eight extra sextuple jointed arms that reached across the room, monitored by four sets of eyes on the back of what I suppose you could call the creatures head whilst the arms signed papers, filed papers, and sorted, you guessed it, papers. The vicious looking maw that squealed out cruelties at the man was quite strange indeed; the top of the head was supported by a moving stalk that moved up and down to open and close the drooling, circular jaws. Meanwhile, the man, our hero, Zap Warner, stood there and stared rather boredly at this creature, his boss, the deputy director of B.O.O.B. detective unit 69, and our hero Zap slowly began to boil over. This was the twelfth time this week that he had to have this shrill, horrifying sound ringing in his ears, and each time it was the same, so he began to mouth along the words with his boss. “I got your ass two incidents away from a suspention, just two and you're out of my hair for three whole weeks! I like you, Warner, I really do, but-“ Suddenly, he noticed Zap’s mouth moving with his, his three big, bulbous eyes twitching in anger. “Thats one more, Warner!!” he bellowed loudly “Nobody mouths off to Zikixsiks Axkrakzsak, so you get one more incident for mouthing off to me! Care to test your luck, punk?! I got a million and five of you, just like you, fresh out of the academy! You're like a zit on the tip of my Squeesgar, I can pop you whenever I want!” This was the boiling point and breaking point for our hero; in his rage he reacted quite unprofessionally, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a Abalama 38 cent piece, the one with President Zworkda on one side and the Dweeger Building on the other. “Why not test my Grod damned luck, huh?!?” He retorted “Ok, see here, I have this coin, if im lucky, i'll have it land Dweeger side up, if not, it will land Zworkda side up. Lets go. Flip this shit, friendo.” Normally a boss would fire a man on the spot for this kind of thing, normally a boss would laugh and shrug it off as insanity and offer some paid vacation, but those normal bosses aren’t members of a gambling addicted race of aliens known as The Xkzkl. “Fine,” Was Zikixsiks’s retort, “And lets make it interesting you little dropping! Dweeger, you go back to two incidents! Zworkda, you're not only on suspention, you have to sing the Bromeister National Anthem on your way out of the office! What do you say, or do you just wanna step out, keep your job AND your dignity AND let the office know what I know, that you ain't got the RICKSHAWS!” Though it was true, due to the difference between Xkzkl and Human anatomy that physically Zap didn’t possess the 83rd set of testicles known as Rickshaws, he intended to prove that he had them metaphorically. Zap fearlessly whipped the coin at his boss’s desk, bouncing it into one of Zikixsiks three clawed backhands. "Flip it, toadstool. Either way I win.” “Whats that? you like singing the Bromeister anthem? Have it your way, ya little fleck of stool, enjoy singing in an octave humans can't hit” With that, the coin was flipped…. And within a matter of moments, Zap proudly marched out of the office, followed by the angry sound of Xkzkl war shrieks; after all, it doesn’t matter if it lands on Dweeger or Zworkda, so long as you use a trick disintegrating coin. Zap Warner turned, saluted his boss, and then proceeded to the elevator to begin his 3 week vacation, the eighth one this year.