Brand Spankin New Song: My Name Is Ted

This is a song about that guy, he's the guy you said you'd never become, but we're all afraid we'll be him some day. This is his story, this is Ted

My name is ted, How do you do?
I live on the moon, well its not quite the moon
But its rocky and boring and suffocates me
Cold and bleak like the moon, my name is Ted.

My name is Ted, yes, Ted from the bank
I don't like my job, well let me be frank
Cuz Frank owns the bank and he drives a sports car
And he's doing my ex wife, my name is ted

{refrain}
Ted, I'm Ted
Four kids and six jobs and alimony
Crappy appartment, no car and back taxes
American dream of the day

My name is Ted, welcome to Dairy Queen
I ride in a fancy limosine
One thats crowded and crappy, they call it the bus
I got mugged yesterday, my name is ted

My name is ted, I thought I'd go far
In high school I looked like a movie star
now I'm more like Danny DiVito
Without the good looks, my name is Ted

{refrain}

My name is Ted, Yeah from Ohio State
Valedictorian in class of '88
But a degree in ceramics ain't worth too much
Minor in poetry, my name is Ted

My name is Ted, I'd rather be dead
Hanging on a rope or poison in my head
But I'm too much of a pussy to do it myself
So I'll drink till there is no more Ted