Pro:
Running a Riding Mower for the first time, which runs like the large, violent and retarded cousin of the Segway
Con:
SURROUNDED. BY. DEAD. PEOPLE.
Pro:
Relaxing atmosphere, beautiful marble and granite sculptures all around
Con:
Beautiful marble and granite sculptures mark DEAD PEOPLE, who have the SAME LAST NAMES AS MY FRIENDS.
Pro:
Good exercise using the weed whacker, and the riding mower is very relaxing
Con:
Forgetting your sunscreen, so not only do you burn, a cloud of mosquitoes swarms your face.
Also
DEAD PEOPLE ALL AROUND!!! GOD DAMNIT DEAD PEOPLE EVERYWHERE!!!
Result:
I signed up to work in the parks, not the cemetery, and I made that choice for a very good reason. Next week I'll be posting a new fictional short story based on what the readers vote for. Leave a comment and tell me what you want to see. My ideas are a new Zap Warner story, the first installment of Django, the Thief, and my story version of Portal. Feel free to pitch your own idea and I'll pick before next Tuesday
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Extraextended Vacations and Idiots on their Birthday
So, as you don't know, my birthday was on May 17th, and it was a blast and a half. I woke up early and went to my math class for the last time this year, it was final time. The final went from 8 to 10:30 in the morning, I was done just before nine, easiest final ever (at least until composition.) Just as I got out, I got a call from The Corporal.
"Hello?"
"Whats your building?"
"Wha-"
"Shut up, building"
"I live in Belknap"
"Right, we're picking you up"
On that day a world record was set; the world record of a day going from better to awesome in a 5.6 second conversation. Within half an hour, The Corporal was staring me down from the passenger seat of The Drummer's car. No hello's, no nice to see you. In typical Cpl Angus Boyardee fashion, the first words out of his mouth were "God damn that is one gaudy ass looking hat." I called him a bastard and gave him and The Drummer a quick tour around campus. When we returned to the car after the tour, which consisted mostly of the inside of the general store, Boyardee ran the game plan by me. It was to Concord, to Manchester, to the movies, and home again home again jiggity jig. To Concord was the easy part, a trip which consisted of a stop at Kentucky Fried Chicken for some, need I say, Kentucky fried chicken. We bummed around the 'big city' for a while, looking for the legendary Army Surplus depot whose merchandise included former pieces of evidence in NH trials, but unfortunately found no such store. The highway to Manchester was pretty chill, especially getting the cutest indie girl toll booth worker in the known universe. When home, I did the one thing every man should do on their birthday; I went home and gave my mother a hug, then spent some time just talking with her. After a good half hour, it was time for The Corporal to head home, but I had other ideas, other plans. You see, I didn't have a final the next day, I had a free day to do with whatever I pleased, and I figured "why go back to nothing to do?" I made the decision to sleep over in Manchester and head home in the morning, extending my plans indefinitely. Me and The Drummer dropped Boyardee off and proceeded to make a few phone calls, namely to my friends Afroman and Hoak Hogan.
I'd just like to take a break and say; Yes, I do give stupid nicknames to all my friends, all of them.
Afroman was buisy, but Hoak was ready to rock and roll. We gassed up the car, headed out to his house, and picked him up just in time for the 2:10 showing of The Losers. I won't go into a movie review, because I don't need a review to tell you all to go out and watch that movie as soon as you can. Hell, go now. Right now. Turn off your computer and go and see The Losers. Don't worry, I understand, just go see it.
Are you back yet? Good. After the movie, Afroman was good to go. We made a quick stop back at Hoak's house to pick up some more movies, namely Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II and Green Lantern: First Flight. A quick ride over to Afro's apartment and then back to my house for pizza and good times with the whole gang. I have to say, that has got to be my best birthday to date. In the morning, when I woke up, my parents gave me a bike and drove me back to Plymouth. I'm gonna fix the ending of this post tomorrow when I'm not so tired so its a lot more interesting. For now, I'm sorry for the extra-extended vacation, and promise this is a new dawn in Adevt's blogging career. More stories, more jokes, more songs and more recipies. Stick around, people, don't lose that faith yet.
"Hello?"
"Whats your building?"
"Wha-"
"Shut up, building"
"I live in Belknap"
"Right, we're picking you up"
On that day a world record was set; the world record of a day going from better to awesome in a 5.6 second conversation. Within half an hour, The Corporal was staring me down from the passenger seat of The Drummer's car. No hello's, no nice to see you. In typical Cpl Angus Boyardee fashion, the first words out of his mouth were "God damn that is one gaudy ass looking hat." I called him a bastard and gave him and The Drummer a quick tour around campus. When we returned to the car after the tour, which consisted mostly of the inside of the general store, Boyardee ran the game plan by me. It was to Concord, to Manchester, to the movies, and home again home again jiggity jig. To Concord was the easy part, a trip which consisted of a stop at Kentucky Fried Chicken for some, need I say, Kentucky fried chicken. We bummed around the 'big city' for a while, looking for the legendary Army Surplus depot whose merchandise included former pieces of evidence in NH trials, but unfortunately found no such store. The highway to Manchester was pretty chill, especially getting the cutest indie girl toll booth worker in the known universe. When home, I did the one thing every man should do on their birthday; I went home and gave my mother a hug, then spent some time just talking with her. After a good half hour, it was time for The Corporal to head home, but I had other ideas, other plans. You see, I didn't have a final the next day, I had a free day to do with whatever I pleased, and I figured "why go back to nothing to do?" I made the decision to sleep over in Manchester and head home in the morning, extending my plans indefinitely. Me and The Drummer dropped Boyardee off and proceeded to make a few phone calls, namely to my friends Afroman and Hoak Hogan.
I'd just like to take a break and say; Yes, I do give stupid nicknames to all my friends, all of them.
Afroman was buisy, but Hoak was ready to rock and roll. We gassed up the car, headed out to his house, and picked him up just in time for the 2:10 showing of The Losers. I won't go into a movie review, because I don't need a review to tell you all to go out and watch that movie as soon as you can. Hell, go now. Right now. Turn off your computer and go and see The Losers. Don't worry, I understand, just go see it.
Are you back yet? Good. After the movie, Afroman was good to go. We made a quick stop back at Hoak's house to pick up some more movies, namely Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II and Green Lantern: First Flight. A quick ride over to Afro's apartment and then back to my house for pizza and good times with the whole gang. I have to say, that has got to be my best birthday to date. In the morning, when I woke up, my parents gave me a bike and drove me back to Plymouth. I'm gonna fix the ending of this post tomorrow when I'm not so tired so its a lot more interesting. For now, I'm sorry for the extra-extended vacation, and promise this is a new dawn in Adevt's blogging career. More stories, more jokes, more songs and more recipies. Stick around, people, don't lose that faith yet.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
When You're Running On An Empty Stomach And No Sleep
... you write something like this
We are a society. We are a society built on technology; on newer, shinier technology. We’re looking for the sleekest, shiniest, best sized things we can, the best sized things that money can buy. We don’t care how it's powered though; because the sleeker the tech, the bulkier the chords, the more chords we need for more and more things. We are a society. We are a society built on sex; more and more sex every day. We need sex sex sex, because it sells sells sells; “BUY ME SOME SEX MOMMY, ITS MY FIFTH BIRTHDAY AFTERALL!!!” And so we buy it, we’re always looking to buy. We buy the smoothest, sleekest, shiniest, best sized things we can. And we incorporate this into what else, but our technology; sex sex sex, sell sell sell. So we pick up smooth, sleek things that look like smooth sleek things, and our big bulky chords plugged into our smooth sleek things. Soon we’ll have big, ugly, bulky chords plugged into all our smooth, sleek, well sized things; All day, all the time, all immersed in this Giger-esque world we’ve plugged into. We are a society, heading towards a bad fan-fiction of a cyberpunk “Alien” story. We are a society.
We are a society. We are a society built on technology; on newer, shinier technology. We’re looking for the sleekest, shiniest, best sized things we can, the best sized things that money can buy. We don’t care how it's powered though; because the sleeker the tech, the bulkier the chords, the more chords we need for more and more things. We are a society. We are a society built on sex; more and more sex every day. We need sex sex sex, because it sells sells sells; “BUY ME SOME SEX MOMMY, ITS MY FIFTH BIRTHDAY AFTERALL!!!” And so we buy it, we’re always looking to buy. We buy the smoothest, sleekest, shiniest, best sized things we can. And we incorporate this into what else, but our technology; sex sex sex, sell sell sell. So we pick up smooth, sleek things that look like smooth sleek things, and our big bulky chords plugged into our smooth sleek things. Soon we’ll have big, ugly, bulky chords plugged into all our smooth, sleek, well sized things; All day, all the time, all immersed in this Giger-esque world we’ve plugged into. We are a society, heading towards a bad fan-fiction of a cyberpunk “Alien” story. We are a society.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Questions with the Corporal
VillainX said, "What should you call your underpants?"
Well, it's quite fawkin' obvious, they are fart-juice keeper-inners. If it were not for the nice pair of boxers, tightie whities, jockeys, or even thong you may wear, when you rip ass and it ends up a bit too juicy, those guys save your pants from looking extra moist. Also, if you are a complete tool who needs to walk around with your pants closer to the tarmac than to your meat and two bits, it keeps you from getting arrested for indecent exposure. Therefore, you could call them your Stay-out-of-jail-unsodomized-free clothes. And lastly, your pals keeping your sack from getting a major chafing rash are great for insinuating that you wouldn't mind getting fucked right now. Think about it for a moment, if you were just hanging around nothing on ya below the belt, you would look like a complete douche who may get signed up as a sex offender. Now, say you were hanging around in that same spot wearing a decent pair of boxers, or whatever your choice may be, it's as if saying "Yeah, I am just chilling here in my skimpies, not really doing anything, but if you wanna get down with me, I am ready to go at a moments notice". Now then, the last name I have for you to call your underpants is your Mightgetchalaids. Good Evening
Well, it's quite fawkin' obvious, they are fart-juice keeper-inners. If it were not for the nice pair of boxers, tightie whities, jockeys, or even thong you may wear, when you rip ass and it ends up a bit too juicy, those guys save your pants from looking extra moist. Also, if you are a complete tool who needs to walk around with your pants closer to the tarmac than to your meat and two bits, it keeps you from getting arrested for indecent exposure. Therefore, you could call them your Stay-out-of-jail-unsodomized-free clothes. And lastly, your pals keeping your sack from getting a major chafing rash are great for insinuating that you wouldn't mind getting fucked right now. Think about it for a moment, if you were just hanging around nothing on ya below the belt, you would look like a complete douche who may get signed up as a sex offender. Now, say you were hanging around in that same spot wearing a decent pair of boxers, or whatever your choice may be, it's as if saying "Yeah, I am just chilling here in my skimpies, not really doing anything, but if you wanna get down with me, I am ready to go at a moments notice". Now then, the last name I have for you to call your underpants is your Mightgetchalaids. Good Evening
Before the Corporal Chimes In
I just wanted to inform the lot of you that there will be a new addition to each of my own posts,
http://www.tshirthell.com/store/clicks.php?partner=tophaT
This link right here
Why, you may ask? Well because every time someone clicks on that link and buys a tee shirt, that website will send me five whole buckaroos. Yessir, five macaroons for each grossly inappropriate, adult themed, and offensive tee shirt that Tee Shirt Hell has to offer. Ain't the economy great, folks?
http://www.tshirthell.com/store/clicks.php?partner=tophaT
This link right here
Why, you may ask? Well because every time someone clicks on that link and buys a tee shirt, that website will send me five whole buckaroos. Yessir, five macaroons for each grossly inappropriate, adult themed, and offensive tee shirt that Tee Shirt Hell has to offer. Ain't the economy great, folks?
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Week Long Vacation; REPLY TO THIS ONE
I took a vacation for a very good reason; I made a promise to myself and a friend that I would never blog whiny, stupid, introspective bullshit about how bad my life is and how much it sucks to be me. In this last week, there would have been a lot of that, I'm in a funk that I can't quite kick yet and I'm in a place where I've stopped feeling everything is going to be OK. So, I've decided to turn my blog over to the one and only Corporal Angus Boyardee. His first segment is going to be 'Ask the Corporal,' in which he's going to answer your questions that you have for him. Unfortunately, he needs questions to be asked first. So, if you reply to this post with a question, he'll give you an answer.
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