And Now, Poetry that would make Shakespeare Cry and do Balet in his Grave

{Poetry by Adevt}

Snow

Its really cold, dude
Its fucking cold today, man
Snow is fucking cold

Xander

There once was a pirate named Xander
Whose penis could not be grander
His balls were so large
That each held a charge
AND LIGHTNING SHOT FROM THE TIP OF HIS DICK!!!

{A poem by The Corporal Boyardee}

Abstract Art is a Cop-out

I wake up, the clock says something.
It doesn't matter.
Horns honk.
Prostitutes offer.
The man in the car is too cheap.
Bastard doesn't know what he's missing.
I think my neighbor died.
His stereo has been on for three days.
At least he left it on a good station.
The fire escape is cold and sharp on my feet.
I light my cigarette.
Emphysema tastes good after a while.
Doctors tell me my health is horrible.
I tell them to live a little before they die.
People who don't do anything should die.
They are wasting space.
It is quiet when I walk the streets.
City sidewalks come standard with cigarette butt carpets.
I add to the lining.
Grey isn't such a neutral color.
When it's the backdrop for a dead bum.

Next time on The Excellent Velociraptor Explosion Extravaganza:

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Scumbucket Beach Blowout, a Surf Rock Song for a Hardcore Blues Band

Well I was walkin on down the avenue

{go buddy go buddy go buddy hey}

And I was doin all the things that a punker do

{go buddy go buddy gabba gabba hey}

When out the corner of my eye I saw a flyer

{go buddy go buddy poster see}

Told me bout a punk rock show that was to die fer

{go buddy go buddy meant for me}

Well I tore it down to see where and when

And It told me the beach land full of sin

So I’m stuffin my friends in a van

Scumbucket Beach Blowout!

Well me and my mates were in a rush

{go buddy go buddy rocka lakka}

Thinkin of the skulls that we would crush

{go buddy go buddy mosha mosha}

When we got to the beach it was preps and losers

{go buddy go buddy pop yo collar}

And some white rapper wigga was being a boozer

{go buddy go buddy holla holla}

Well we didn't have time to address the nation

On this horrible situation

So we just started cleaning up beach

Scumbucket beach blowout!

OI, CORPORAL, PLAY THAT SHIT!

Well we bashed some skulls and turned some faces

{Go buddy go buddy beat up your brother}

Then the show started up and we took our places

{Go buddy Go buddy ontop of your mother}

The punkers came out and we got excited

{Go buddy go buddy shit kicks asses}

But the security guards said we weren't invited

{Go buddy go buddy backstage passes}

So we tried to do what we punkers always do

And thats kick them in the face till their shits in our shoe

But security guards ain't no pushover preps

they're the guys at the gym doin 300 reps

So we got nowhere fast and the dudes kicked our ass

Scumbucket Beach Bummer!!

Next time, on The Excellent Velociraptor Explosion Extravaganza:

Poetry, by Adevt

Wind! Rain! Lightning! Cheeze Puffs!

Lo and there was I, bored and hunger stricken at the hour of ten in the evening. The whole day it had rained, oh how it had rained, and I was riding a testosterone rush from playing an online football game. I hungered not only for food, but for excitement, for adventure, for a meatball sub sandwich from the Circle K across the bridge. I knew what I had to do, I had to test both wills and nature, faith and fortune, and embark on a quest, a quest for snackage. First, I made test of the conditions by taking the elevator downstairs and setting foot outside. To my great shock, it was raining sideways. I don't mean that it was windy and the rain was coming down at a slant, oh no. I mean that the clouds, somewhere five miles away, had descended to the the earth and laid down, then proceeded to defy gravity by releasing the rain across the horizon. An ordinary man would have looked at it and cringed, a normal person would have decided against a walk across campus and down the bridge.... But I, Ace Danger Explosion Velociraptor Tophat, am NO ordinary man!! I went back up to my room and armored myself against the elements; my boots and rain outfit would do nicely, as well as one of my knit winter hats. It wasn't long before I was in the lobby of my dorm building, wading through a group of people that had gathered to watch the storm, or escape their buildings that had lost power. I think my best decision was where I did not wear a shirt, a shirt would have only gotten wet and made me cold. Adversely, my worst decision was probably bringing an umbrella, the damn thing just kept turning inside out on me every time the wind shifted direction. Regardless, there I was, making my way onward. It was raining daggers by the time I reached the center of campus, wind so fast that it closed my umbrella for me, and yet I pressed on, the delicious ends would justify the insane means. On the bridge I was alone, looking over the edge at the frozen river, which seemed much more warm and inviting than the current environment. On the other side I watched as the last bus of the night went by, back towards the campus, taunting me and telling me I would be making the trip back on foot as well. The Circle K was the Circle K, nothing particularly special besides the Milkshake Machine that makes god in a cup, also known as Cookies 'N Cream Milkshake. They do, however, carry the godliest snack food known to man, Chester Cheetah's Puffcorn, which is near impossible to find in regular conditions. The bag has the price right on the front, as most do, but this is the best pricing ever. Rather than just a number, it has a statement, 'Two Dollars Only,' which makes me believe that the head of their marketing department is an extremely Hasidic Rabi. Long story short, my provisions included Puffcorn, Munchos, Vitamin Water XXX, two Cadbury Creme Eggs, and a Chocolate Eclair Ice Cream. During the purchase, the lights flickered, quite forebodingly... TO BE CONTINUUUUUUUED!!

Next time on The Excellent Velociraptor Explosion Extravaganza:

Exclusive first look at lyrics to the song Scumbucket Beach Blowout

My Grounbreaking First Blog Post that is Guaranteed to Shock, Awe, Thrill, Chill, Fulfill, Excite, Delight, Ignite, Slice, Dice, and Generally Impress

Good Morning; I am Ace Danger Explosion Velociraptor Tophat, better known by my acronym derived nickname Adevt or simply by my last name, Tophat. I would like to state right now, simply and without a shadow of a doubt in my mind, that I am some degree of insane and all of my friends shall rightfully tell you so as well. It is for this reason that I have made the decision to start this blog, for there is nothing more interesting than the mind of an insane person. However, the insane are rarely lucid enough to flat out tell you what they are thinking; and even when they are, nobody bothers enough to care about what they say, everyone gets wrapped up in why they say it and how to get them to stop. Well, my friends, the intention of this blog is to push that latter series of questions of why and how out the second story window into a three story deep pit full of spikes and various unpleasantries, otherwise banishing it from thought, while I take you on the vastly more interesting journey of 'What is This Psychopath Saying?' I will not guarantee you a complete thought every day, as some days I am more lucid than others, nor will I guarantee you the truth. But, I guarantee you on a whole that you will embark on a fascinating journey through a series of poems, short stories, true stories, essays, future plans, past recollections, songs, dances, videos, pictures, and to sum it up.... An Excellent Velociraptor Explosion Extravaganza. Welcome.